Middle of Nowhere by

Hot Hot Heat

In my room, my bed was unmade, Kleenexes sprawled across my nightstand, and my clean clothes were scattered around from my closet to the doors of my dressers. This whole weekend my legs were stretched under blankets while my hands clutched a roll of toilet paper. I anticipated the next sneeze.

Maybe I had the flu. I've never had a sore throat and evil cold that a cup of tea and goodnight's sleep couldn't fix right off the bat. For the past four days of sickness, I have asking myself a lot of questions like "What is life?" Okay, maybe not. But I realized that nobody can challenge me more than myself. It's a scary realization because my life can easily turn a different way. I can somehow reason with madness, just from doing whatever I want and following every illusion that comes my way like ,"Hey, I wonder why people are hooked on cigarettes. I kinda want to try it. I mean, I'l stop at that first one. I can quit anything. I got good will power." YEAH RIGHT.

Although the realization was intimidating, it was also inspiring. The thought that my every choice create a bigger choice and that I'm really my own worst enemy. I'm limited by my choices sometimes whether it's from my procrastination or unaccountability for something. Sometimes, it's even from being out of sink with my feelings.

I woke up and picked up stuff that I've avoided for weeks. I don't feel sick anymore either. I haven't used a tissue in hours. I feel better in a bigger way. Whatever that means...