Don't Know Why

by Norah Jones

I loved this song and Coldplay "Clocks" that year so much. Hm, it was interesting back then.

I was cleaning out my closet today. A lot of skeletons. I had a lot of realizations. I don't know my worth. I've been looking for something to define me, something to show that I'm really me and I'm awesome, I think...I thought. But the only things that could show that are my choices, thoughts, words, actions - my experiences. And nothing more. The old awards were just little disposable materialistic bonuses. I'm happy that I got 'em but they don't mean half as much as why I got the awards. I haven't always done my best, I've just been trying sometimes.

It's lonely to be in a place where you don't fit. It actually sucks. I just think that I could've done something different, but I reacted the only way I knew how at that time. I gave up on myself. I didn't believe in myself. I don't know what makes people think I'm great or I'll "go far." I think I know, but I don't know. I am better than I thought, but not in the way I expected. I'm happy that I am me and no one else. I can smile at nights thinking that. I haven't lost my pulse through all these years, and I feel good to know that. I'm trying to say mouthful in a few paragraphs, meh.

Random Thought: I feel my child self again, someone, hug me. now.